


I Know

by wallofwindows



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Gen, Gender Identity, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Dan Howell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 09:40:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16282178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wallofwindows/pseuds/wallofwindows
Summary: Dani is nonbinary. They aren't out to anyone in real life but run a blog. Their partner discovers it.My fills for gender changes and Tumblr for the fic fest.





	I Know

Dani’s heart raced as they saw the url of the person who'd sent an ask. They slammed their laptop shut in panic.

This blog was supposed to be a secret, a place unknown to anyone in their life. Phil was never supposed to find it. 

On the bright side, Phil didn't know it was them. Phil didn't have a clue, had no way to. They reminded themselves that, and after awhile their worries turned into curiosity. The curiosity sparked courage, and with that Dani dared to hesitantly open the laptop again. 

“Please answer this privately. My name is Phoebe, and I go by she/they pronouns. Over the last year I've been questioning my gender identity. I know you've mentioned only figuring out yours as an adult. So I figured I would reach out to you-”

Dani’s heart bursted with pride. Pride for Phoebe, of course. They’d hadn't a clue that this was something they had been struggling with, but was proud that Phoebe had reached out to someone, anyone.

They were also rather proud themself in a way. Proud that their identity and story had resonated with someone. 

They continued reading, their breath hitching.

“I've never felt 100% like a boy, but never quite like a girl either. Before stumbling upon your blog about a year ago, I didn't know there were any other options. I'm now quite sure I'm nonbinary, and I'm actually pretty comfortable with that. But I'm too afraid to express that. I have a pretty large following, and though I know many would be supportive, I'm scared of telling them. If I told them, my family would find out too, and I don't know how to discuss it with them. I also don't know how to tell my partner. I know he'd be supportive, as he's quite comfortable defying gender roles and stuff, but I'm just too nervous. I'm scared of being out but I want to be able to express myself, to put on makeup, to dress the way I want and to he known as someone other than the guy that everyone perceive me to be. I guess I need advice?”

Dani’s mind was swirling with a whirlwind of thoughts, emotions and ideas. It was hard to process any of it. 

They knew they had to answer. They didn't want to leave Phoebe waiting for one. But they didn't know how to respond. 

Their first thought was to talk to Phoebe directly. That would just make everything more complicated. They thought It might make everything a bit easier, but they didn't think it was a situation they were ready to face. They mulled in this indecision for a bit, but their mind soon returned back to the fact that they knew she deserved an answer sooner rather than later. Bigger decisions could wait.After the little bit of internal debate, Dani clicked on Phoebe’s profile and began typing up a message.

“hey! i got your ask. i’m glad you decided to reach out. i actually understand what you are going through a ton. i’m only out on this blog. literally nobody i know in real life has a clue i identify as enby. it took me a long time to even gather the confidence to paint my nails. it was well received but i’m still super nervous because coming out for me, in anyway, would require a telling a lot of people and involve a lot of chaos. i plan on telling my partner soon, but i am even nervous for that. so i’m probably not the best person to turn to. but i guess my best piece of advice would be to trust your instincts, and only only do what makes you comfortable. also, if it makes you feel any better, i have a hunch your partner won't have any problem with your identity. chances are, they'll understand better than you would expect. but please, above all else, don't feel obligated to tell anyone until you feel safe and comfortable.

With that, they clicked send and shut their laptop. 

A part of Dani was telling them this was the best time to tell Phoebe about her own identity. It would offer her support and show her she was safe and could be herself around them. Part of them worried that Phoebe might feel pressured to come out before she was ready to if they followed through. But Dani knew that in the end if Phoebe wasn't ready to come out in that moment, she wouldn't. 

Dani were going to tell her that they were non-binary.

They rolled out of bed and opened the bottom drawer of the nightstand on their side of the bed, grabbing their little satchel of makeup on the way, just in case.They made their way downstairs to find Phoebe, who was sitting on the couch in the lounge.  
They plopped down beside Phoebe, setting their makeup purse on the table. Phoebe seemed focused on the laptop when they first came in. They turned it away as Dani sat. 

Their heart raced, but they knew it was the right time to say it.

“I need to tell you something.” 

“Oh?” Phoebe responded, with a bewildered expression. A little bit of silence, and then the confusion melted into a more joking and friendly one.

“Did you come to confess you've been stealing my cereal? Have the tables turned?” 

“Nope! But thanks for owning up to your crime!” Dani quipped. The joke reminded them that they'd be okay, that they'd known Phoebe for 9 years and could trust her to be there for them, as she always had been. 

With a deep breath, their tone shifted, and they continued. “There is something I haven't told you about myself. I've been too nervous, too afraid of rejection.”

“You know I wouldn't ever reject you, right?” Phoebe replied, in hopes that the words would offer comfort. They did. Dani continued with a bit more confidence to her voice. “I know, but with past experiences in telling people things about me, I can't help being afraid. Anyways, you probably know somewhat where this is heading, but I'll tell you anyways. I'm non-binary.”

Phoebe reached out their hand, and with a nod Dani held it. 

Phoebe took a breath, and a leap of faith.

“Me too.”

“I know. You already told me, and I already told you. Dani squeezed Phoebe’s hand and nodded toward the computer.

A tiny grin graced Phoebe’s face.

“Dani?”

Their heart fluttered.

“Phoebe.”

For awhile, they just looked at each other. Accepting a reality in which they could truly be themselves, a reality where they didn't need to hide. Not from each other, at least.

Eventually, Dani broke the silence.

“Would you like me to do your makeup?” 

“I'd love that.”

As Dani opened the bag, the rainbow sticker fluttered out.


End file.
